Brit

The Guy: Ryan

Brit recently went through a serious, extra heartbreaky break-up. In her own words, her ex-boyfriend turned out to be a massive drug addict.

If you ask me, that’s worthy of at least a few of the girly clichés Brit throws around after their breakup…

“I’m swearing off men for a while to focus on myself”

“I’m afraid to start dating because I don’t want to get hurt again.”

Those.

After a while, though, Brit decides it’s time to get back on the horse- the kosher kind- by attending a Jewish fundraiser at a trendy bar in Miami, where she lives. Brit (and her mother, and her mother’s mother, and mother’s mother’s friends from the club) hopes she will finally meet a nice, Jewish boy there because so far, her type has been ‘asshole gentile.’

She doesn’t.

At the fundraiser, Brit sees Ryan from across the bar and is immediately drawn to him because of his ice-blue (non-jew) eyes, and they hit it off. Ryan asks Brit out and on their date, she learns that he’s only in Miami for 7 days on business.

Brit and Ryan’s connection is undeniable and they spend those 7 days together in three 48-hour stints with a few hour breaks in between so Brit can “change” (poop). At the end of their string of marathon dates, Brit and Ryan decide their relationship shouldn’t end just because Ryan’s business trip does.

They decide to continue talking and hang out when they’re both in the same city again, which will be a few short weeks. It’s December and Brit has two weeks off work for the holidays. She is going to spend that time at her parents’ house in NJ, just outside the city, and Ryan happens to live in the city. 

Brit and Ryan continue their whirlwind romance there. They go to dinners, watch live music, see The Tree, and Ryan even meets Brit’s parents. They don’t talk about what’s going to happen after Brit goes back to Florida, obviously not wanting to even think about saying goodbye to one another. It turns out, though, they didn’t have to… because Ryan got super drunk one night and texted her super weird shit completely out of the blue, and completely out of character. Well, the character she believed belonged to him at the time.  

Note: I edited the overly-long, overly-weird string of texts to show you because, even for the internet, they’re pretty cray.

Here we go…

 

  

 

How nice of him…

and then nevermind.

Brit obviously ends things with Ryan, completely creeped out… yet slightly flattered. In her last relationship, the guy was addicted to drugs. In her latest, he was addicted to ass. In her next… good luck. At least things are looking up. Or down?

Either way, it turns out that Brit isn’t the only one who likes assholes. It’s just that Ryan doesn’t care if the asshole is attached to a Jew or not.