SAM

The boy: Reed

Disclaimer: This is a pretty disgusting story, which involves a girl getting her period. Read at your own discretion. 

LAST SUMMER:

Sam was hooking up with Reed. Sam was 2 years out of college… while Reed was still in college. He was a summer intern working in the city, there for 8 weeks. The two met about halfway through Reed’s internship and he went to school on the West Coast so, at best, their relationship could last 4 weeks. It didn’t, though. Almost.

This is the story of what happened to cut Sam and Reed’s relationship short, so that it ended just shy of a month…

Sam was hesitant to hook up with someone younger than her, but Reed was genuinely really interesting and mature. So she was all like, “Ya know what? Fuckett. YOLO.”

For their first date, Reed suggests that they go to a cupcake store, which also serves wine and beer (goodie!!). It’s super adorable that Reed suggests this, but it’s also super lame. So Sam, feeling empowered because she’s older, suggests that they don’t. Also, she prefers to eat caloric treats when calories don’t matter, like when she’s drunk and alone and hardly remembers eating them.

Sam tells Reed to meet her at normal establishment that serves alcohol, a bar. She’s a few minutes away from said bar when she gets a text message from Reed.

Reed’s Text Message: “So this is kind of funny and embarrassing but I’m only 20 and I look just like my brother and his ID has worked everywhere in the city except this place apparently. First time I didn’t get in somewhere is of course when I’m going to meet a girl.”

Awwwwww!

Also, hahahahahaha.

So they try a different bar where Sam strategically approaches the bouncer first. Second-in-line, Reed doesn’t have a problem getting in with his brother’s ID. Sam remembers this strategy from college.

Strategy-from-college: The 21-year-olds always go into the bar first because if the rest of the group isn’t allowed into the bar after them, the bouncer is effectively kicking out patrons who have committed to spending money there. Also, helps if they’re hot.  

Sam and Reed have a great time that night, and continue to see each other afterwards.

3 ½ WEEKS AFTERWARDS:

Reed is subletting an apartment in the West Village. It’s in an old, quaint walk-up with a flat, unfinished rooftop, which you can climb up to with a little creativity, and a lot of hoisting. Back from going out one night, Reed and Sam are sitting on his rooftop with a 6-pack of Sam Summer.

Sam was already sufficiently drunk, and could have gone without those few extra beers. But she’s a champ and drank ‘em anyways. At the time, Sam was going through a “reckless-when-drunk phase,” so she decides that she wants to explore the rooftops of the neighboring (and thankfully adjoining) buildings. Her depth perception is quite impaired, however, so what she thinks is going to be a one-or-two-foot drop to the next building’s rooftop is really a six-or-seven-foot drop.

A dainty leap lands Sam laid-out on the rough concrete of the unexplored rooftop next-door, which she so badly wanted to get know. She’s fine, but earns a nasty, deep gash below her right knee, which is also profusely bleeding.

Drunk First Aid: Wrap knee with toilet paper and secure with duck tape. Hook up a little bit. Go to sleep naked

That night, Sam also unexpectedly and unknowingly got her period.

Yea…

THE NEXT MORNING:

While Reed is still in bed, Sam gets up to go the bathroom where she finally realizes that she got her period. She doesn’t know this, but Reed is now awake and on the other side of the bathroom door, on his hands and knees, cleaning up spots of blood left on the floor. Like, really getting in there, scraping up the dried blood with his fingernails and whatnot. He thinks it’s from her knee. It’s not.

(It’s from her vagina.)

Yea, I went there. I said it.

Sam comes out of the bathroom and is mortified when she sees Sam. Looking up from the ground, Reed earnestly asks Sam how she is feeling. He tells her that he’s very concerned because he didn’t realize just how badly she had cut open her knee the night before. “I mean, there’s also blood all over the sheets,” he says.

Um, excuse me? All over the sheets?*

Sam, discreetly of course, cranes her neck so she can see into the bedroom, and there is, in fact, a whole ‘lotta blood spots on the sheets. Sam is obviously not going to correct poor, young, naïve Reed, especially after his very intimate clean-up, so she goes along with the blood-originating-from-her-knee story.

However, having no experience with this sort of perverted lie, Sam does a bad job with the cover-up and leaves a very telling piece of evidence at Reed’s apartment- her bloody underwear.

Sam doesn’t even realize that she left her underwear at Reed’s apartment* and they continue to talk like they did before the ‘incident,’ so Sam thinks she’s gotten away with it.

*Sam was very hungover in the morning. It’s easy not to notice that you’re not wearing underwear when your head, and this case your knee as well, is pounding.

A FEW DAYS LATER:

Sam gets a text message from Reed.

• Reed: 

• Reed: “Those Chinese dry cleaners didn’t do anything. Do I need bleach?”
  • Err, or a garbage. 
• Reed: “Also, are these yours?”

• Sam: “No..”
  • Or, yes..
• Reed: “[My roommate] must have hooked up with a girl in my bed…?”
  • Sam is examining the picture, zooming in as far as possible, trying to see if there are blood stains on the pair of underwear. She can’t tell, though and she’s thinking about confessing.
  • Then Reed texts her again…
• Reed: “They are kind of big though.”
  • Yea, so now Sam’s definitely not going to confess. 
• Reed: “I literally have no idea how they got there/whose they are.”
  • Sam doesn’t either?

THE DAY AFTER “A FEW DAYS LATER”:

Reed learns 2 facts:

1. His roommate did not hook up with a girl in his room.
2. The pair of underwear does have bloodstains on it.

These 2 facts then cause Reed to come to 5 realizations:

1. The pair of underwear is Sam’s.
2. Sam lied about the pair of underwear not being Sam’s.
3. The blood on his sheets and that he was cleaning up from the floor was not from Sam’s knee.
4. Sam knew that he blood on his sheets and that he was cleaning up from the floor was not from Sam’s knee.
5. Sam’s kind of a bitch.

And finally, these 5 realizations lead Reed to 1 conclusion:

1. Sam and his relationship is over.

I blame Reed for Sam’s lie. He said that the pair of underwear was “kind of big” when asking Sam if it was hers! Obviously, she’s going to say no.

Maybe Reed would have gotten a truthful answer from Sam if he asked her something like: “Hey sexy gurl, are these bootylicious yet slinky, bloody pair of lacy panties yours?”

I mean, probably not. But maybe.